He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
