Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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