hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
