Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
