Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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