All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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