I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
