I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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