Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
