My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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