our cab driver is having phone sex.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
