her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
