I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
