she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
