Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is Oprah even human
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
