I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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