I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
