Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
