My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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