Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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