You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize