Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
