ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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