Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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