Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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