I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
your room smells of hookers.
And success
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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