i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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