I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
