i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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