i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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