Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
