names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
