What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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