i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
