I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize