Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
