I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
