im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
