yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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