so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
