tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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