Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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