she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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