If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
