I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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