look no pants
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
