dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
