Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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