Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
