Christians are straight up FREAKS
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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