My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
