dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
