But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
