last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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