I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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