If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
