all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
