she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
