Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
