can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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