Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
