I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
