I think I won the penis lottery.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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