Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
