you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is my gift to your gina
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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