they need to just BURY HIM!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
